Abuse

Review: Under Her Skin by Adriana Anders

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Title: Under Her Skin (Blank Canvas #1)
Author: Adriana Anders
Date of publication: 7 Feb 2017
Genre: Contemporary Romance, Past abuse, Mild kink

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My rating: 4 stars


Blurb

Her Body is His Canvas


A darkly possessive relationship has left Uma alone and on the run. Beneath her drab clothing, she hides a terrible secret—proof of her abuse, tattooed onto her skin in a lurid reminder of everything she’s survived.


Caught between a brutal past and an uncertain future, Uma’s reluctant to bare herself to anyone…much less a rough ex-con whose rage drives him in ways she will never understand. But beneath his frightening exterior, Ivan is gentle. Warm. Compassionate. And just as determined to heal Uma’s broken heart as he is to destroy the monster who left his mark scrawled across the delicate tapestry of her skin.


Review

This is the debut novel of Adriana Anders and found it following a recommendation by Molly O'Keefe, a favourite author of mine. I was worried about it being too dark for me but I'm glad I took a chance on it. It's not an easy read but it was absolutely worth it.

The premise of an abuse survival finding there way back to life/themselves is not something new but the particular abuse described here was something I had never heard of before. I was taken aback by the cruelty of it, yet I came to admire the heroine for finding a way to cope and overcome it. The authors gives us a heroine who is a survivor and a fighter and a hero with a lot of anger and violence in himself. They seem unlikely pair the start but they turned out to be a perfect fit by the end of the story. There is a mild kink play which I found fitting to the characters and really working for them as a couple.

Uma was amazing, I really liked the way she was portrayed as an abuse survivor with flashbacks to how she got to where she was, how blind she was at the beginning of her relationship with her abuser, how easy it is sometime to end up a violent relationship and how difficult it is to get out of one.

I liked her determination, her tenaciousness, her desire to get her life back to herself, to reclaim her body, her sexual desire. And here comes Ive, a giant of a man, a blacksmith with a temper and anger issues of his own. On the surface they didn't appear to be suitable for each other. She should have been afraid of his violent past (his anger flares up even now). Yet, the author shows us he has another side as well, he is caring and kind and there for her. Their sex games of her dominating him came as a surprise for them but actually worked for both Uma and Ive. I saw this a her reclaiming her desire/freedom/power and for him it was an unexpected turn on which quickly accepted as an element of his desire. Maybe it was also a way for his own violent/aggressive nature to take a step back. He was a man of action, led by his own principle of justice and duty, one who always takes charge, is responsible, provides for the others. Letting her run the show in the bedroom was a change from his usual modus operandi, a side of himself he never knew existed because his past lovers have never given him to chance to be anything but aggressive and domineering. Nobody expected submission from him because all they saw in him was a big, scary brute.

The writing was solid, the whole plot was neat and had an easy natural flow to it. My only complaint is that Uma's constant comparisons between Ive and Joey were too much and distracted me from her budding new relationship. I see their point and place in the beginning of the story but they became annoying and overused as her relationship with Ive progressed. It felt joey was always there in the back of her mind, even when she was Ive and it bothered me making me feel it was not fair to Ive.

Apart from this minor issues, I really liked the story. The dark of her horrific abuse was balanced by her growing relationship with Ive, the growth both of them underwent and the overall feeling of hope for the future. I can strongly recommend this book and can't wait to read the next in the series.

Purchase links: Amazon / B&N

Abuse

Review: Badger by C. M. McKenna

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Title: Badger
Author: C. M. McKenna
Genre: Dark, erotic, fiction
Release Date: 31 Aug 2015

Author's links:
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My rating: 5 Stars




Synopsis

Nearly twelve months sober, Adrian Birch feels like a nobody. But when her wrist is broken in a hit-and-run accident, she’s avenged by the Badger, a secretive street vigilante. Instantly obsessed, Adrian takes to staging suicide and constructing chance meetings to get his attention. Their resulting affair is harsh and needy, wrought with McKenna’s signature dark eroticism—until the connection gets out of hand and ignites the violent passions of the city.

Hailed for her “evocative,” “intense,” “deftly drawn,” and “engrossing” stories by reviewers at Publishers Weekly, USA Today, and Jezebel, McKenna now establishes herself as a rising star in neo-noir. Badgerchallenges the reader to imagine how an impulsive young man is killed, offering only the perspective of the fascinating and unreliable Adrian Birch.
This is the first book by cara McKenan under her new pen name and it's very different and at the same time still similar to her previous erotic romance. 

Review


I generally try to be constructive in my reviews but this is one of the rare ones when it's just a jumble of thoughts and personal reactions to the story.

It's an emotionally intense story, very dark and disturbing and it took a lot of courage for me to read it, yet was totally worth it. I strongly urge everyone to give it a try, though be warned, this story shows some of the the ugliest sides of life with brutal honesty.

I have a hard time defining the genre of this book - it's not a romance, though it's a story about love (and the lack of it). It's a contemporary tale of darkness and self-discovery, a story of two people coming together briefly and changing each others' lives forever.

The story is told from Adrian's POV and I found her voice deeply engaging and easy to connect with - she is dealing with the consequences of a pill addiction - trying to (re)build her life, to find purpose and meaning.

Now, what can I say about Badger, he is unlike any other character I've ever read. My heart broke for him, I was literally in tears by the end of the book. He is a vigilante but he is no hero, let alone a romantic one, yet the ending of the story (and his life) was a moment of profound emotion and feeling for me.

Ms McKenna plays and subverts the very foundations of romance (what we see as romantic, heroic, what is means to love, to care, to feel connection and empathy), yet it's a story about love. It's brutal and painful, and truly disgusting at times but so is life and especially the life of these characters.

The story doesn't have a happy ending in the sense of Adrian and Badger coming together and overcoming their issues with the sheer power of true love. It's not one of those type of story. It's a real one, where Adrian learns to be herself, to love herself and to be strong and independent the hard way and I think Badger got to experience love and affection in his own way before leaving a world he didn't fit it. It's the only way their story could end, yet it left me completely devastated. I have this weird association with the Sons of Anarchy TV show - a sense of helplessness, of no other choice possible, of death being the only option. 

Abuse is often present in romance, it's treated in different ways but I haven't read anything like the way it was presented here and I doubt I ever will.

The romantic in me struggled with the idea that there are people who are broken beyond repair, I want (naively, probably) to believe that everyone can be saved, that sufferings and hurts can be made manageable, that life (and love and happiness) is possible with them remaining part of us but not destroying us completely. I know it's more of a wishful thinking on my part than a real possibility, yet Badger's story hurt, hurt because it can happen and it does happen way too often in real life .

I have to admit Badger's death made me convinced that he was capable of feelings, of love in his own fucked-up way. There was no place for him in Adrian's life or in anyone else's life but the book left me with a vaguely optimistic feelings that things will be all right.

Ms McKenna's writing is superb as usual, engaging, raw, very uncompromising and honest. This is a bold, unconventional story about finding your way, about abuse, about love! A recommended read, not for the faint of heart.

Purchase links: Amazon, B&N, Kobo, Brain Mills Press

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